remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
