His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
