1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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