You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
