you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
No subtext here. People are naked.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
