I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
