I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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