You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
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And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
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At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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