Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
