Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
