I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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