you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
we made out on top of his cat.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
