K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
