whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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