So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
