In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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