"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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