i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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