I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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