My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
