do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he thought i was a dude.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
