there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
