i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
