If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
