im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
