i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
