Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
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I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
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Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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