So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize