it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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