id be glad to
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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