Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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