Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
