Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
