OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
