Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
