Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
you are never too drunk for berry picking
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
