matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
