Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
