is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
