Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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