Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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