the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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