What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
