hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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