You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
