apparently the secret to your success is patron
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
