Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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