Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
