Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm passing your future prison.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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