I seem to have left my pride at pride
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
