Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
