you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
