Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
