i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
