I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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