I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
