I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
