I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
