i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
