FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
