Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
