he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
