You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
