quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
