woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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