Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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