I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The struggles of a small town man whore
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
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