I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
