I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
