I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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