He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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