You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
