Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
