Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
