I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
