If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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