I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Found your dick twin last night
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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